nimbusthedragon's Xanga

Why I like paper table cloths

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:16:48 GMT

Friday, May 17, 2013

Fri, 17 May 2013 17:24:30 GMT

ADVENTURES IN LAMENESS / stupid friday entry

So yeah, I'm actually going to talk about my personal life for a second. Brace yourselves.

The boytoy found our original OKCupid conversation, and I thought it was kind of funny (read: eye-grougingly boring) enough to share. He still had it saved and fetched it for me because I was curious (he's cheesy like that and saves things, bless his cute little Peruvian ~~ass~~ heart.) I was underwhelmed, to say the least. I especially enjoy the parts where I ignored him for like, 2 weeks (and ALMOST didn't reply, because I was SO sick of dating at that point, after a slew of what was a veritable buffet of candidates for the less intelligent spinoff of Jersey Shore) like, "your name is WHAAAAT??? BITCH PLEASE," AND the part where he acknowledges being BORED of our conversation, right at the end.

Truly, we are a glorious pair. (God knows how the hell it happened, given this gem, but still.)

Also *dunh dunh dunh*... we're 27% ENNEMY.

(And for the record, I had a mustachioed profile pic for a while: hence his (oh-so-original) opener. Though if he had made fun of my mustache regardless, I probably would have FIGURATIVELY admired his balls for doing so and answered anyway.)

Yeah, I have no idea how we ended up boning, guys. No idea.

Clearly our chemistry is just... ebullient, with those sexty messages. =__= Almost as exhilarating as a game of parcheesi at the seniors' home at 2pm on a Sunday. I mean, it was a like a tame episode of Dora the explorer.

Still... that fancy haircut:

And DAT FRIDGE...

Regardless, I'm glad we bored the ice to death (cuz we certainly didn't break it) and that he decided to blackmail me into dating him, in the end. Haha!

........Heh. ................

.....................................He still has my cat guys, help me!!!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:49:15 GMT

Random mixed bag

I actually have a lot of little things in mind today, so instead of pulse-spamming, I thought I'd share a quickie, foul-mouthed blog.

1) I used to worry about how I sometimes show up at 9 for work, even though my boss said I can show up whenever. And she wasn't kidding. Some people here show up daily between 10-11am... but the thing is, I DO my hours, whereas those aforementioned latebirds bugger off around 3-4. So with their lunch breaks, which they TAKE, that's a 4-hour day. WOW. I KNOW these folks in particular work very hard and take their job seriously... WHEN THEY'RE HERE... but I'd be lying if it doesn't make me a touch irritated. In fact, I'm downright pissed off about it, because I feel slimey if I even leave half an hour early, with permission, for an appointment. DAMN CONSCIENCE, I SHOULD JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE APPARENTLY DOES...

2) I have been having trouble staying motivated with the workouts in the recent month, as happens to me every summer. (milder weather = I don't wanna be inside anymore) I've also come to the conclusion that I absolutely LOATHE jogging and these days, pretty much refuse to do it. Like, I don't even enjoy a micro-second of it... and the entire 35 minute experience is about as interesting to me as a seminar on different kinds of paper (and YES, I've been to one), only with grueling physical pain. I MEAN ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO GET BETTER??? Point being, I need a new physical hobby. Been playing a lot of badminton though, but it's tough to find players who are on a "physical activity" level with me, as opposed to the "we're half-drunk on a Sunday picnic- HEY LOOK A STICK TO HIT STUFF WITH" level. And while FINALLY snow-less, the weather's not been stable enough for biking... whether it's high-winds of effing FROST WARNINGS in May, Mother Nature has been positively schizo up here, and I don't much feel like freezing my tits off or being unceremoniously blown into the Canal on one of my leisurely rides to work. But hey, we Canadians LOVE talking about weather, so at least we've had plenty of small-talk fodder. Where was I again? Oh yeah... random musing number 3.

3) I'm poor. But it looks like I'm finally starting to get my head above water concerning my upcoming California trip, at least. I've been getting a few commissions from various sources lately, and they're helping. Plus, we're getting some mad discounts and I plan on living like a hobo, off tuna cans and sleeping in the car for two weeks, hahaha. YEAHHH!!!! YOL-, no, I'm not even going to. But yeah, a few of the commissions are more pinup works... and though this is a huge DUH, I didn't realize how quickly BOOBIES would get me money. Oh Rule 34, you are a traumatic, yet lucrative bitch.

4) I WANT A DOG SO BAD </random> I saw someone who has a Shiba in my neighborhood and I almost died at how cute it was. (they're my favorite) They're uppity little rascals though, so I could probably never have one (since I don't have a yard where it could run around in), not to mention that my landlord is a dick about animals (as we all saw this past January with that harrowing Walter experience) even though nowhere in my lease does it say I'm not allowed. But given my horrible luck with dogs thus far in life, I'm not prepared to commit my emotions to another animal before I am 100% certain of the circumstances. I can't handle being fucked over again.

5) Because it's been coming up a lot lately for some reason on the internet and IRL, Christians against homosexuality: I'm gettin' real tired of your shit. Just saying. I try to be open-minded and understand where you're coming from but I guess in my old age, I've had to accept the fact that I'm intolerant .... towards the intolerant.

6) Yeah... nothing, so here is a random picture of my cat, who is a huge douchebag, by the way.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Wed, 15 May 2013 13:42:25 GMT

Xangan Ghost Artses

Ok well, contrarily to Xanga, he's not actually dead. Just not here anymore. But still, I wonder if anyone will remember this brilliant, surly and shit-disturbing former-Xangan, who commissioned me recently. This place could use some shit disturbed, let me tell you.

Anyway. I'm quite happy with this.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:03:24 GMT

A usual Monday post

I often ponder the idea of mediocrity, and how I will probably never really amount to anything more than "average". I say this without self-pity or sadness... it's more of an observation, though it DOES have a touch of emotional baggage attached.

I mean... I have an average job, no real objectives, I'm in an average amount of debt, making a low salary, average-looking, average body type, average hobbies... it's like I'm kind of destined for Middle-class purgatory forever. I'm nearing thirty, and nowhere closer to any of my goals (hah, I have goals?) than I was 5 years ago.

People are so conditioned these days, to want more and more and more... and I'm no exception. I want the nice big open loft overlooking the city, the exciting, artsy job... the dogs, the handsome boyfriend (well, I think he's pretty damned handsome, so WIN there.) the exciting, travel-heavy life. I want the rooftop garden and the comfort in knowing I don't have to worry about money.

But I think that most of us will never live that life. It's a simple question of logic. For there to be rich, powerful and beautiful people, there have to average, struggling, shitty-job peons.

I don't want to be a peon... but shit, I'm far too lazy from a middle class cushy upbringing to have any real drive for anything, though my sense of expectation is the size of Jupiter.

Hence, life of disappointment and mediocrity? Probable.

Strange, Monday thoughts.

I don't want to say I've given up... but there's a fine line between optimism and delusional thinking. Acceptance is the first step....

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:08:17 GMT

WELL...

Since I am selling-out and trying to make money for a trip... does anyone actually want something commissioned, heh?

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Wed, 08 May 2013 23:29:48 GMT

Artistically selling out?

**Edit: For anyone curious, I decided to post a piece in question. Fanart, but still. You can see it HERE, but be advised that it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.**

So hmm. I've gotten a few pinup-styled drawing commissions lately, of the naughtier-yet-tasteful variety... and I've realized that I have somewhat of a skill for drawing nudes. (It's actually SO easy NOT to draw clothes, people..... THE FOLDS ARE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS)

I COULD POTENTIALLY BE SITTING ON A GOLDMINE HERE, ESPECIALLY WITH THE EONS OF LUSTFUL FANBOYS LURKING THE INTARWEBZ. T3H PRONZ!!!

While I would never do anything hardcore and have certain limits (I like my livestock on a plate or in a field, thank you), I'm wondering if I should capitalize on this. I mean, I've already RUINED my childhood anyway so... why not?

BUT WHERE, AND HOW, AND SHOULD I, ARE THE QUESTIONS. Hmm indeed.

Monday, May 06, 2013

Mon, 06 May 2013 17:35:35 GMT

Well, are they???

Be forewarned: This is mostly thoughtspam, and I mean no offense to anyone. (Not to mention that I'm flip-flopping big time throughout the entire entry, but couldn't be bothered to edit it, hah.)

Anyway, this concerns on one of those "hey I vaguely knew you a million years ago so let me add you even though we're totally out of context now and have nothing to say to each other at all beyond the recognition that we once knew each other" Facebook acquaintances I have (and that everyone seems to have, out of guilt.)

Anyway, this girl in particular was someone I knew in grade school, you know... 20 frakking years ago. I don't remember much about her. I know we were friends, because I went to her birthday party and she to mine, once... but we weren't that close. She was sort of rough around the edges and manipulative from what I recall. She would guilt-trip me a lot, and would lash out in mean ways. This was probably because she was also mercilessly teased for being overweight. In fact, while I was never the popular princess by any means (quite the contrary actually) I remember quite clearly that this girl was THE loser of our school. I'm not passing any judgment here at all and I feel sorry for what she went through, but the fact remains that in the vicious, dog-eat-dog world of grade school, that's just how it is. You're "fat"? You're IT. Kids as assholes, people.

Personally, I was always chubs growing up, but not morbidly obese...(which this girl was on the cusp of) so I was teased about my weight sometimes, but generally left to that special kind of mental hell which consists of being completely and totally ignored. I had few friends, but was generally happy to fly under the radar with the few I did have. I didn't realize it fully back then, but that was lucky. I'm sure this girl went through hell, which is why I remember feeling sorry for her even back then and actually going to her birthday party, unlike everyone else that had been invited. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't some shining example of humanity, because I didn't even want to go. I didn't particularly like her as a person. But I knew what it was like to be teased, and pity (and my mother, quite literally) drove me to go.

Anyway, we never spoke after grade school, and I never knew what had become of her (or really wondered, to be honest) until that fateful Facebook add about a year ago. She married, lives in the same neighborhood and has two young children of her own. I was glad for her.

Recently though, she posted a Facebook status along the lines of: "When you realize that, after a lifetime of rejection, your children will experience the same thing because in the realm of education this problem isn't yet recognized, you ask yourself some big questions." And this isn't the first time she's posted similar stuff.

The "problem" she's talking about is kids being teased for being fat. In a larger scope, perhaps bullying.

Now... I'm not going to get into a huge debate about lifestyle and genetics and personal choices and yada yada yada, because I've not quite come to a decision about how I feel on the subject. I have extremely strong opinions on some of this topic, as a person who grew up quite sedentary and with bad eating habits. (With respect to my parents, who did the best they could both working full-time. We ate very healthily, just way too much, and were more into being outside or art projects than sports.) I think parents and educational systems need a total overhaul, insofar as teaching kids about the importance of physical activity and eating well.... not to mention that bullying is at an all-time high thanks to social media. So... she's right on that front. There need to be changes made in the educational system regarding bullying, so that kids aren't driven to horrid self-esteem and emotional devastation in general.

But how far does the school's responsibility extend, in terms of teaching good lifestyle habits?

My issue here, and what made my gut wrench the wrong way reading her status, was that she seemed to be relinquishing ALL responsibility for her kids' physical status to the school. Granted, I have NO idea what their home-life is like, what they eat, or if they do sports. But her kids ARE overweight, factually. Hell, maybe it IS a genetic problem, I don't know. However, and please forgive my brutish oversimplification but, all of her statuses to me, sound like: "Schools aren't doing enough to prevent the bullying my kids face daily, which I caused by teaching them shitty lifestyle habits!"

Now, I realize there should definitely be a hell of a lot more discipline, in terms of how most schools handle bullying. (Hell, I remember being stuffed into lockers, and some big kid sucker punching my friend almost daily without consequence. I can't imagine what it's like now.) Bullies are worse than ever, and NO ONE should be judged based on how they look, and such lessons on decency and compassion need to be taught early on.

But it's a two-way street. It isn't the school's responsibility to enroll your kids in sports. It's not the school's fault that you plop them in front of a TV instead of sending them outside, once they get home. Your school doesn't make your kids' dinner. Childhood obesity comes from a ton of factors, mostly parent-influenced, which perpetuate into adulthood and hence, doom your kids for a lifetime of struggling if you don't take action.

I know this from experience. If I hadn't changed my lifestyle radically in my early twenties, I'd be there now. I'd be morbidly obese and completely unhappy. I still love sweets, and fight my own bad habits every day. That never goes away. But I'd be worse if I hadn't taken responsibility for myself, which is what I feel like she's not doing. She's right about bullying; no question.

But I'll put it this way: If my kids were teased on a daily basis for being fat, I'd not only tell the school to come down harder on the bullies, but I'd also probably also take a look at my parenting and see what I could do to improve my kids' lifestyle habits. I've already said this to a number of people, discussed it with my sisters, based on our own upbringing: Every one of the Lee sisters is putting their kids in sports, not matter what. Of course, that's just me, and this is a very complex, touchy issue for sure.

I'm not trying to be judgmental or unnecessarily mean. But sometimes I feel like we're too scared to offend people to ask the more pertinent questions like..

WELL.....ARE YOUR KIDS FAT???

I'm just saying, maybe this woman should use her own awful experience in school to make her own adjustments at home, as well as calling on harder action from the school system.

Thoughts on this? I'm not entirely sure what I think yet, because I struggle with the idea of being too judgmental of others.... but I do find that the responsibility in this case, is dual.

Friday, May 03, 2013

Fri, 03 May 2013 13:24:28 GMT

A gendered paradox

In light of @vanedave's recent post about that basketball player (Jason Collins) coming out as gay to the media, I had a thought I couldn't resolve. Among the flurry of er.... "interesting" things to arise from this, Dave brought up the question of whether or not the straight men would feel comfortable knowing that there was a gay man in the changing room with them.

Judging from his response and that of most commenters, I got the feeling that despite some initial discomfort maybe, no one actually really cared about a gay man in the locker room... and in fact resented that this should be an issue, for a number of reasons. One being that just because you're gay, as Dave so aptly put it, "this is not to say that I automatically think Jason Collins would be all up in my business if we were in the shower together". After all, regardless of your orientation, it doesn't mean that you're an animal without restraint or respect for others in a situation involving platonic nudity right? (now there's a term I never thought I'd use... platonic nudity...what a sad life I live.)

I thought about my own experience: how would I feel is lesbians were in the changing room with me? No need to wonder because I know. I've gone to the gym a number of times with lesbian friends, seen boobies, exposed boobies and all that... and honestly? I couldn't give a shit. The uncomfortable part for me is mostly just related to being naked in semi-public, regardless of who is around, orientations be damned. It's just about feeling exposed and vulnerable, to me.

Anyway, following that logic, it stands to reason that I don't mind being in the locker room with someone who has the potential to be sexually attracted to me. That's what it all really boils down to, right? That's where the discomfort comes from. Whether or not it's "weird" to change in front of someone who could potentially be interested in your boobs/johnson for other-than-platonic reasons. I realized I was ok with it... but then I pushed the thought further, and encountered a very strange paradox:

Even though I am OK with the idea of changing in front of a GIRL who has the potential to be sexually attracted to me, I am nevertheless still VERY uncomfortable about the idea of changing in front of a heterosexual man.

And I mean .... isn't that EXTREMELY contradictory? Because honestly, after reading Dave's post, my immediate thought was: "Well if everyone is ok with this (myself included) despite perhaps an initial adjustment, and everyone seems able to take the high road concerning potential sexual tensions, then why continue to segregate changing rooms at all?"

And yet, I couldn't bring myself to imagine being comfortable changing in the same changing room as straight men, regardless of their level of interest.

So for me I think the discomfort comes from something very literal and bodily... something very basic, where even though that lesbian chick COULD be attracted to me while we're naked, it doesn't bother me as much because we have this mutual, "birds of a feather" understanding of each other's bodies... whereas being in a room full of old-man penis might bother me some. (I'm sorry boys but sheesh... some penises are just... not so nice to look at.)

But then again.... I think of movies like Starship Troopers (and shudder) or shows like Dollhouse where co-ed showering/locker rooms were standard practice in those realities, and I thought it was so cool and progressive.

The worst part of all of this for me is that since I pride myself on trying VERY hard in my daily life to practice principles true gender equality and absolute respect for people's orientations, I nevertheless have an issue with the idea of unsegregated changing rooms, in terms of having straight guys around. I still have that deeply-ingrained bias, even though one might argue that the same sort attraction could happen with lesbians in the changing room, which I am ok with, as a straight woman. I don't like this contradiction and I can't explain it either, which is really frustrating.... but the exercise of thinking about it has been fun. So thanks, Dave.

For now though, I guess that my conclusion for now is that given enough time, I could get used to anything, and totally not care about what body everyone came in, so long as we were all changing in a climate of mutual respect... and hey, maybe focus more on the fact that "HEY I JUST ACTUALLY WENT TO THE GYM!!"

...Thoughts?

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Thu, 02 May 2013 12:55:07 GMT

Artses

Don't open that can of worms, buddy.

Higher res version HERE