Friday, 13 May 2011
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One of the only perks of being a bit of a geek/dork is that we tend to deal with awkwardness well. We've grown up with it, looked it, perpetuated it, managed it and perpetuated it for fun and profit once we accepted it. I mean, I've had my foot in my mouth so many times that I've grown accustomed to the taste (mmm salty!), so not much about awkward situations personally bothers me in a very lasting way... and while I CAN of course feel uncomfortable at times, I can't recall every being in an intolerably awkward situation.
Lately, for some reason, I've found myself in a host of said contexts. Despite knowing better than to let it get to me (because otherwise, I'd be in a constant state of profound mortification, probably crawling around under a carpet ad-nauseum) I nevertheless found myself thinking about many hopeful things through my epic facepalms.
So without further ado, I give you:
A FEW THINGS I'VE HOPED FOR FOLLOWING AWKWARD SITUATIONS:
1) I hope my unexpected/unwarranted wins against the REALLY good badminton players at work were unrelated to the fact that I'd forgotten my sportsbra that day.
2) I hope my tendency to sarcastically respond to "you suck" with "only for a price" won't reveal certain creepy personality traits amidst formerly trusted friends as they suddenly begin putting actual numbers on the notion (again).
3) I hope the excessive-noseblowing-borne scab I was dabbing at to stop it from bleeding was worth the aghast look on my coworker's face when she apprehended me with what seemed like my finger up my nose.
4) I hope all around me might renew their endless fascination with the human digestive system, as a wondrous and complex organism, when mine makes its customary and infuriatingly fart-like gurgles.
5) I hope no one saw me gawking at that surprisingly muscular, decent-looking woman in the gym's changing room, who was flexing her biceps and marveling at her sudden abs. There's just no getting over the awkwardness of being caught staring at yourself on one of those good days.
6) I hope I remember how completely obvious and frequent my ogling sessions are towards attractive men on public transit, the next time I "indignantly" catch some jackass ocularly venturing down boob-gorge. Well, I never! (Yes, you always.)
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Comments (24)
Boob Gorge is a place I venture often. It's soft and supple, and what a view!
You suck!
@Roadlesstaken - YOU CAN'T AFFORD ME, CHAN!
@nimbusthedragon - Can I get a discount deal then?
@Roadlesstaken - Group discounts only! (I WILL OUT DIRTY YOU, DAMNIT)
In awkward situations, I just keep going... it's already out there, might as well shake it...
@nimbusthedragon - Ooo good to know! I'll give some people some calls.
@RazielV - I do too, actually... but only in jealousy. HAH
@Roadlesstaken - I restrained a really horrible stereotype joke, because I like you. DON'T PUSH ME, BRO
@nimbusthedragon - Jealous wai?
You have given me hope. Yayyy
I always responded to "you suck" with "you suck harder."
Heh.
@AffinityInUnderstanding - the only one for what, all of these? NO WAYZ, I'M NOT ALONE EITHER, LOLZ
I hope you continue posting despite the urge to wander elsewhere until long after I've decided to stop living vicariously through you. (Mostly because it would suck it you stopped before then.)
This is way better than Morgan Freeman's "I hope" speech at the end of The Shawshank Redemption. Although I have to admit that I still pictured him reading this as a voice over.
@King_of_the_Worker_Monkeys - A Morgan Freeman voice over would be a dream come true.
I always end up laughing but then forget to comment when I visit. Shame!
@GreekPhysique - Indeed haha.. Nice to see you though! Did you happen to see the pic, btw?
I did, and it was beauteous. I was so overwhelmed by the umpteen billion comments that by the time I scrolled down to leave mine, I forgot what I had to say, or what my name was for that matter. :-p Well-done, though, I liked the nice smiles you gave to me and my brother
@GreekPhysique - Ok good, haha. I wasn't fishing for compliments for the record, though I appreciate them, I was honestly just worried i might have offended because I didn't ask permission, hahaha
@nimbusthedragon - Psh, for work like that, it is not fishing for compliments, it is receiving the compliments that are rightfully yours. That said, next time please add some bulging biceps and dreadlocks for my personal photo :-p jk
wear sunglasses to ogle in secret.
Well, I never! (Yes, you always.)
haha that was good. Never heard of the term boob gorge though
I was always uber awkward, but I feel my social skills are like a muscle that I work out. If I'm practice my awkward moments are next to zero, but once I start not talking to people regularly its like a death spiral of awkward that just gets worse and worse. I told a friend I hadn't seen in a year a few minutes after catching up this video I saw about a dolphin jumping out the water to hump a male trainer and the look on her face visibly made me oh noes on the inside
@CaKaLusa - Need some new aviators, actually. THEN I WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE