Friday, 13 May 2011
One of the only perks of being a bit of a geek/dork is that we tend to deal with awkwardness well. We've grown up with it, looked it, perpetuated it, managed it and perpetuated it for fun and profit once we accepted it. I mean, I've had my foot in my mouth so many times that I've grown accustomed to the taste (mmm salty!), so not much about awkward situations personally bothers me in a very lasting way... and while I CAN of course feel uncomfortable at times, I can't recall every being in an intolerably awkward situation.
Lately, for some reason, I've found myself in a host of said contexts. Despite knowing better than to let it get to me (because otherwise, I'd be in a constant state of profound mortification, probably crawling around under a carpet ad-nauseum) I nevertheless found myself thinking about many hopeful things through my epic facepalms.
So without further ado, I give you:
A FEW THINGS I'VE HOPED FOR FOLLOWING AWKWARD SITUATIONS:
1) I hope my unexpected/unwarranted wins against the REALLY good badminton players at work were unrelated to the fact that I'd forgotten my sportsbra that day.
2) I hope my tendency to sarcastically respond to "you suck" with "only for a price" won't reveal certain creepy personality traits amidst formerly trusted friends as they suddenly begin putting actual numbers on the notion (again).
3) I hope the excessive-noseblowing-borne scab I was dabbing at to stop it from bleeding was worth the aghast look on my coworker's face when she apprehended me with what seemed like my finger up my nose.
4) I hope all around me might renew their endless fascination with the human digestive system, as a wondrous and complex organism, when mine makes its customary and infuriatingly fart-like gurgles.
5) I hope no one saw me gawking at that surprisingly muscular, decent-looking woman in the gym's changing room, who was flexing her biceps and marveling at her sudden abs. There's just no getting over the awkwardness of being caught staring at yourself on one of those good days.
6) I hope I remember how completely obvious and frequent my ogling sessions are towards attractive men on public transit, the next time I "indignantly" catch some jackass ocularly venturing down boob-gorge. Well, I never! (Yes, you always.)