Friday, 06 November 2009

• Duhhhhwaahh?

  I apparently have a really intense problem interacting with drastically good-looking people with impeccable suits and stylish pseudo-faux-hawks.

  Exhibit A

  Me*stumbling into work with my hands full of documents, hair disheveled, badly dressed because my wash wasn't done, etc etc etc.*: JESUS H. CHRIST ON A BICYC----

  Him: .....o_O Euh, bonjour!

  Me:.... heh! *nod, stumble, thunder away*

  Exhibit B

  Me *4 hours of sleep because of homework, badly dressed because I slept over at my parents' and forgot a change of clothes*: .....Oh.  Hello.

  Him: .... Good morning.  How are you?

  Me: Good. *stumble away*

  Exhibit C

  *At the vaccination room, where I was helping out this week and calling out people's numbers so they could get the shot*

  Coworker: Yeah, just go see that girl over there, in the black shirt.

  Me: O_O... *groan* Oh GOD, not him again. 

  Him: .... *slowly walking up after having pinpointed me, probably thinking "Oh GOD, not her again"...*

  Me: IT'S FOR THE VACCINE RIGHT?

  Him: Uh, yes.  *smile*

  Me: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE A NUMBER OVER HERE AN-

  Him: Well I don't have my medical insura-

  Me: THEN YOU GO FILL OUT THE FORM WITH THE LADY BEHIND THE COUNTER FO-

  Him: I know, I know, it's just that I forgot my-

  Me: Medical insurance caarrrrdd...

  Him: Uh huh so...

  Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  Him: I was...

  Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  Him: wondering if I could... come back..

  Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  Him: ...later? You guys will be open right?

  Me:..........yeahh uhm.............

  Him:.........

  Me: Ok so....guhh........

  Him: I'll just...

  Me: *synapse fires* GO BACK AND GET IT, YEAH.

  Him: Ok, no problem I'll come back afterwards and-

  Me: NO PROBLEM.  HAVE A GOOD DAY. *about face, march away*

   

  ......................I'm so fucking smooth, like a baby's ass.

  But yeah.  For some maddening reason, this one guy at work provokes a complete mental shut-down in me within a 20 foot radius.  It's not even that I'm even remotely interested (barf).  He's just a very good-looking person, coupled with the fact that he's a really up-there kinda manager.  So I guess he irradiates like, I don't know, some sort of magnetic Roman god-like power and instead of just going onto administrative-suck-up-auto-pilot, I turn into a self-loathing mass of Ultimate Suck.  I seriously have NO idea what's going on, but I've noticed his happens to me a lot, with good looking people of both sexes, actually.  It's like I feel intimidated by their perfect symmetry or something, I have no bloody idea. 

  But this dude, he's like my kryptonite, and infuriatingly enough, always catches me when I'm doing something stupid, like say: dropping files all over the floor, bent over, tripping over some LEAVES outside, carrying kilotons of junk food because I'm carrying it back to my entire team as the designated gopher, or when I happen to be swearing at myself for reasons X and Y... and I NEVER see him coming!!!  He always just appears, at my absolute worst.  He's like some sort of ninja with retard radar.

  But with any luck, thanks to all the tripping, bad-clothes, bad hair days, mash-potato-mouthed drooling and inability to speak either proper English, French, mime, or any semblance of language of any kind in his presence, he'll probably just sympathetically think I'm one of patients. 

  Yeah.

   

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