Tuesday, 07 July 2009

• My first experience with indirect racism

  Growing up in a small town and being part of an ethnic majority by default is a strange thing.  If, once you realize that the world isn't all made up of white folks, as was the case in my hometown, you're able to escape with even the inkling of an open mind, it's a good thing.  If you're able to get beyond the occasionally rampant ignorance that's nevertheless construed as fact, and get out of your childhood with the expectation of tolerance, it's a good thing. All those things accomplished, while you're definitely not a racist, something else happens. If you're like me, you become a little naive about such concepts as racism and you might start thinking that everyone is as open-minded as you and your family and friends.

  I'm not sure why, but probably due to my not being exposed to much of it myself, and never truly perpetuating any beyond not knowing any better as a kid, and then learning better... I always thought that racism was this overblown idea. That people exaggerated its presence and effect in this day and age, and my goodness me, how advanced and progressive we all are, as a species, and heck, GROUP HUG!!

  Yes, yes, I know.  Stupid. 

  Some have even told me that that's a typically "white" mentality. You know, "deluded" into this whole Disney kind of thinking, where the world is a wonderful, magical, tolerant place. I'm not saying I wasn't aware racism existed... but never having been targeted because of my skin color (language is a whole other issue, mind you) isn't something I'm experienced with, nor has it ever been an issue with my friends, who are of all different creeds.

  It just never came up basically, pertaining to me, until this morning.

  I was on the bus to work (wishing it was a bus to man-servant paradise island, but I digress, cuz this is SERIOUS business) and I boldly headed to the back of the bus where all the highschool kids, pissy and disgruntled due to end-of-year exams, were sitting.  A girl glared at me I casually insisted that my ass was more deserving of a seat than her schoolbag was, and my magical journey began.

  Of course, the magical journey, like every morning, consisted of my head tilting back and ricocheting off the magical window over and over again, like a kid ontop of a magical washing machine, as I tried to knock myself unconscious with sheer enthusiasm for my job.  Anyway, my neighbor was part of a small group of friends, and they were no older than 15 or 16.  And any comment I may make as to their attitude has nothing to do with their race, rest assured... but merely the fact that they were admittedly obnoxious teenagers, which didn't help the situation.  (Hey, I'm not a racist.  But ageist?  HELL YES. (ok, no.) Either way, I deduced by later parts of their conversation that they were of Caribbean descent, as they spoke of the various Caribbean festivals they were participating in, in Montreal and Toronto. It doesn't matter really, but as a naive layman in speaking of these matters, I'm not sure how to put it other than, hey guys! they were black, I was (and still currently am, to my knowledge) white, if we're going to be straight about this.

  My brain was on auto-pilot-zombie mode, so that's mostly all that registered anyway, from the last visual sweep I made, before the impending system shut down.  If you'd like to know how important that detail was to me, let me put it this way: I also happened to notice that hey, that kid looks asian. and SHIT, those are some nice shoes, hey, there's water droplets of rain on my boobs, how classy, and holy crap, we're already almost there, goddamnit. 

  However, one girl didn't approve of my apparent lack of attention it seemed, as the vibrations of her voice probably could have hit a 5,6 Richter, and so I was forcefully aware of what she was saying as my eyes twitched open in protest.

  "My mom keeps asking me 'WHY YOU GOTTA LOOK SO GHETTO ALL THE TIME, WITH YOUR NOSE RING AND YOUR BANGLES'" she said, making her voice impossibly more earth-shattering in honor of her mother's tone.  I actually thought it was kind of funny, because her look suited her... and it reminded me of how my own mother had reacted to my lip piercing, back in the day.  (Of course, it was to the tune of a hysterical "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEE", a la Lord of the Rings, with the fire of Mordor erupting in the background.  Yeah. )

  Her friend echoed my sentiment and snickered... but then my internal laughter was cut short at her next comment.

  "Well what?  She want me to look like a fucking little white girl??  I mean, it's bad enough I got their hair!!"

  Her friend (my neighbor) went rigid for a moment, and, thinking I was still magical-journeying-to-dreamland, actually nodded in my direction with an unmistakeably sheepish expression.

  Like: OH MY GOD, BFF, YOU'D BETTER BE CAREFUL OR THIS WHITEGIRL HERE MIGHT HAVE HEARD YOU, BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, YOUR VOICE IS AS DELICATE AS THE MORNING DEW. 

  I was shocked, I have to admit.  My jolly little world of camaraderie and equality shattered, and I immediately became a bitter, hateful old spinster, and joined the KKK as quickly as my alabaster Irish feet could run to the Linen Chest and purchase the white sheets.

  .....Ok, NO.

  I did, however, make it a point to tilt my head in her direction and give her hair a long, probing stare, and suppressed with all my might the desire to say "hell, I don't even have our hair, how do you think I feel?"

  Her friend just tried to change the subject, and said: "No, your hair is really nice, what are you talking about?

  -WHAT DO YOU MEAN? MY HAIR IS SUPER SOFT AND NOT CURLY."

  Yes folks, THOSE are the terrible defining factors of whiteness, I learned. So if you have shiny, soft hair, you have been imbued with the essence of pasty, blinding whiteness and must be purged of your uncoolness.  GET YE TO A CURLING IRON, STAT!

  I also learned something else on that magical journey, as she then went on to make her best Chinese imitation, while the asian kid rolled his eyes beside her.

  Clearly she wasn't a racist, per se.

  No, this girl, as I could tell from her friend's humiliated shrinking into the seat with heated embarrassment, was just a bleeding moron.

  Lesson learned: Stupid is Universal.

   

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