Thursday, 12 March 2009

  • Sorry for mega-posting today.  I’m bored, and need the distraction.

     

    Things I learned the hard way…Volume 1 (or: Exploits in Extreme Awkwardness by Liz)

     

     

    1)     Mint shampoo does indeed refresh your scalp… and every other surface of your body it happens to touch, whether purposely or not.  At least my corneas feel breezy and cool now.  And burny.  Oh god, the burn!!!!

     

    2)     You can recreate a Mythbusters-esque moment in your own home by reheating a hard-boiled egg in the microwave.  It heats up quite nicely, really…that is, until it explodes into a yellow splatter of oblivion.

     

    3)     Being a girl, I wasn’t quite sure of this a few years ago… but while not the Christmas ornaments or special candies I thought they were, blue balls are in fact painfully real, and not nearly as jolly.

     

    4)     Do not be fooled.  Shatter-proof glass IS not slice-your-hand-open-proof.

     

    5)     Calling an establishment “super ghetto” in front of your Jamaican co-worker can backfire, even if you never meant to "fire" "it" to begin with.  I *still* don’t know why, because that hot dog and poutine joint WAS super ghetto, goddamnit. I don’t care was over-defensive inferences people make about it. *ducks*

     

    6)     Calling your Dad a Nazi because he won’t let you see your friends one evening, when you’re 15, is probably not the best idea.  I only just got ungrounded yesterday.

     

    7)     Wearing earphones at work while listening to music DOES drown out external noise… but just because you can’t hear yourself belch like a beer-drowned sailor with gastritis, doesn’t mean your other co-workers can’t.

     

    8)     Alluding to the fact that in your humble opinion, pornhub is much better than redtube, aloud, in public, is somewhat of a faux-pas.

     

    9)  While you may consider it otherwise, quoting lines from Star Trek the Next Generation and/or Sailor Moon on command in front of your new friends is not, in fact, a “cool skill”.  Similarly, quoting Sailor Moon in Japanese on command is punishable by death.


    10) And finally, saying “LOL” out loud, IRL, is just just tragic, beyond all measure of humanity and decency.

     

    Hey... you live, you learn.  And humiliate yourself terribly.

     

     

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