Thursday, 12 February 2009

• Dear Clueless Coworkers:

  I was touched to find, upon my arrival this morning, that you'd taken it upon yourselves to help me out with the overwhelmingly huge stack of reports to be entered into the database.  How very kind of you.

  My only regret is that you didn't know what the goddamn hell you were doing, and had you merely left MY job for ME to do, since *I* have the extensive training to do it PROPERLY, I wouldn't be wallowing, knee-deep in the disastrous aftermath of your disorganized, improperly filed, bumbling charity work. 

  The next time you are feeling generous, dear friends, please remember that:

  A) You fail at life

  B) As opposed to completely time-wasting, damage-control-necessitating, rip-my-goddamn-eyes-out-because-I've-spent-the-last-2-hours-trying-to-fix-your-mistakes-and-haven't-even-had-my-fucking-coffee-yet- action, it's the THOUGHT that counts.

  C) I will fucking kill you, should you so much as glance in the direction of my filing cabinet.  A stapler to the head will serve as your only warning, all second transgressions shall be carried out with deadly force.

  D) You fail at life.

   

  Thank you, and please keep your catastrophy-hands to yourselves.

   

  Much love,

   

  -Liz <3

   

  And that concludes my boring, anti-climactic blog for today, though I say this unapologetically, since I WOULD blog something more interesting, if I wasn't so busy untangling the clutches of DEATH my co-workers have so generously woven around my workstation.  Good day.

   

  • 11:19 AM
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